Most days I wake up around 6am, make lunch for Shawn and Chris, then sit down as I let my body adjust (I always become very stiff over night). Some mornings I edit photos or blog while watching House. Depending on how I feel, I will get up, pick up the house then start my day. Unfortunately/ fortunately most days Brennan wakes up just as I'm getting ready to get motivated. As soon as he wakes up all he wants to do is sit and snuggle, until he is ready to get up. Some mornings he gets up and gets moving pretty quickly, others it takes over an hour. I love snuggles but it can kill my motivation, hence the unfortunately/ fortunately. Today was one of those days, it didn't help that my right knee was killing me, I still couldn't bend my right index finger, and my left elbow was feeling a little better. I also woke up feeling like a bus ran me over then backed up to do a double tap before driving off. Besides my joints I had a sore throat (my lymph nodes swell from time to time), right side of my face was swollen, felt like I was punched in the eye, and my back was... Sorry I was distracted and lost my train of thought a bird just flew up to my window twice. I could see it in the reflection of my laptop, so I glanced back only to see the biggest spider I have EVER seen inside my house climbing on the screen eek!!!!
Sometimes I feel it's my fault he'll sit with me for an hour or more in the morning, I feel like I should set the example, I don't want him losing motivation in the morning because I do. I struggle all the time with this disease and feeling like I am failing my son. So even though I felt down, sore and tired I got up and took Brennan to a playground. I was determined to get him out and having fun. We got there and for a little while there was another little guy for Brennan to play with, then he left, it was just us. I got some great pictures of my crazy little guy, which makes me smile, what doesn't make me smile is that he really wanted me to climb, slide, and play with him, I tried but the pain was just too much. It breaks my heart that a year ago I would have been all over that playground with him, hanging upside down from monkey bars, sliding down slides, jumping off platforms, anything he could think of to ask I would have done. I want to run, crawl, jump with him and I can't, it's the hardest thing to cope with and I am not coping well. I don't know what else to say here.... My thoughts are being over run with emotion so here are some pictures of Brennan's park visit.
What a great smile, he warms my heart!!!
9/4
It started out so much better then the day before. I woke up feeling much better, physically and mentally. Brennan woke up early this morning, so we snuggled for a little bit, the nice thing was by the time he was ready to start the day so was I. Got outside and was ready to tackle my to do list, I cleaned the siding around the sliding glass door, (it was starting to look green, not white) well as far as I could reach. Sanded a box Shawn made for his trailer and the most important thing on my to do list, I had fun with my little man! I cleaned off his sprinkler, best thing I did all day, I loved watching him run, jump and play in the water. After the sprinkler I filled a hole in the ground with water so he could play with some mud in the shade. He truly is the best thing that has ever happened to me! The rest of my day was pretty uneventful but it was a great day, I dropped my son off with my mom around 4pm, so I could get some things done, did some shopping and went to bed early. Not really much to blog about but know it was a much better day! :) Off to get a bunch of junk, hopefully soon to be someone else's treasure ready for a yard sale. Have a good day!!
-Patty Hilton-
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