My First Blog :) A bit of a bumpy day!

     It's been a day, if it wasn't 10:38pm I'd start with some background information but that could take me all night.  I will say tonight, that I have been struggling with Lupus for about a year now, it is an autoimmune disease, that for me attacks my joints (the most), muscles, lymph nodes, and skin (causes very large and somewhat painful hives).  Today has been a struggle, I can get past most day to day pain, but some days it is more then the average and it was my left elbow that pushed me to cranky and depressed, being able to fully extend or contract your arm is something I never really thought much about until I couldn't do it.  I do not like being cranky it is not the person I am and not the person I want to be but some days the pain wins and that is something I am working on.  Defeating this disability mentality, especially being bipolar is going to be difficult but I can do it.

     Today I woke up and it felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck everything was sore stiff and angry.  It didn't take long to let the pain take over and it become an I don't want to do anything kind of day (which I have been struggling with quite a bit lately.)  I also wanted to go to the fair tomorrow, but as Shawn (my S.O.) pointed out, we don't have enough money because I dropped down to part time and we need to finish our house (I'll blog about that another day.)  That didn't improve my mood, I feel bad because we got into a small argument about it and he had a valid point,(I just paid a bunch of bills online we really didn't have the money) I just wanted to go spend sometime with friends.  I know that the argument didn't help his mood at all and it set the day off on the wrong foot for both of us.  I became a little too upset, this is something I am trying to improve, not so good with that this morning. :/

     My day did get better even though my elbow did not, as if my elbow pain wasn't enough, as I hold my elbow in a bent position through out the day, without relaxing it, it begins to make my bicep burn.  It also makes it very difficult putting my hair up, but watching the faces I make as I try it finagle that task is rather amusing!  Sorry side tracked, (I will do that a lot, like a young child when they see something shiny.)  Back to my day getting better, after the unhappy discussion with Shawn I wandered the yard pondering what we had just talked about and how I could have handled it better, to end in a less cranky state for both of us.  As I wandered I found one of the last thimble berries of the season and happily brought it to my three year old son Brennan (I love these berries they are so good) he had never had one, the smile on his face said it all, he likes them too.  Then I found a colorful fuzzy caterpillar, that I pointed out to Brennan and quickly went in to grab my camera, so I could get a picture.  Instantly my mood had improved, it's awesome how seeing my son enjoy a berry I picked and taking some simple pictures of a bug greatly changed how I felt.  To add to my good mood, we had a bad mold problem this winter (not at the bettering my day part yet) living in an unfinished house with a long cold winter took it's toll, we pulled up some of the plywood up stairs to see how far the mold went (we found a bunch over our dinning room area, feared it was through out the whole house,) to our surprise there was none. (Insert happy dance) :)

     Most of the rest of the day was spent relaxing and trying to rest up so that I could be more productive tomorrow.  Oh a big thank you, even though he will never see this (not so big with the computers) to Shawn's father Andy for buying and cooking supper, it allowed me a little more rest and relaxation.  So I leave you with a picture of a colorful fuzzy caterpillar and a good night.  (Mostly because my left hand is going numb but also, it's getting late.)  Here's to a better and more positive day tomorrow!!!  :)

-Patty Hilton-